What do you get when you cross a horse with a donkey?
A mule.
What do you get when you cross a highway with a pogo stick?
Run over.
__________________
My mom has become addicted to watching "Dancing with the Stars".
We're forcing her to enroll in a two step program.
_________________
A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very
stiff and sore.
His wife watched with admiration, pleased with the amount of work he had done
and anxious to get him to do some more.
"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you some lemonade," she
suggested smiling.
"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.
He sits in the bath for a while with his nice drink. After a while she brings
him his bathrobe and tells him she’s got the bed all made up for him so he can
take a nap.
"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she
leaves the bathroom.
When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets
off an enormous long and loud wind.
Moments later, the wife comes in with a fluffy bed warmer and a rubber
container.
"What the heck is that for?" asks the husband snappily.
"Oh Darling," says the wife, flustered, "I thought I heard you
say, "Whataboutahottawaterbottle."
______________
I went to see my dentist because I had a concern.
I said to him, "I have yellow teeth! What do you
recommend?"
He said, "How about a brown tie?"
___________________
A guy on a tractor just rode past shouting, "It's the
end of the world!"
I think it was Farmer Geddon.
_________________
A divorce lawyer asked a woman who had come to visit him,
"Tell me madam, why do you want to get a divorce?"
The woman replied, "My husband treats me like a dog."
The lawyer asked, "Does he mistreat you? Does he hit you?"
The woman replied, "No, he wants me to be faithful to him."
__________________
I went into the local pet shop and told the sales girl I
wanted to buy some gold fish.
She asked me, "Would you like an aquarium?"
I told her, "I don't care what their sign is."
