Here's a joke for you:


Laughter is the best medicine!

Unless you're treating diarrhea.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

New jokes for February

What's the best side of the cemetery to live on?
The outside.


Two guys are walking side by side down the street. One of them sees a mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it, and says, "This guy looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know him from."
The other guy grabs it from his hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me, you idiot!"


When is the only time you're justified in slapping your mother in law in the mouth?
When her mustache is on fire.


My doctor wants me to change my eating habits and try vegetarianism.
But I'm not sure I can give up cold turkey.


Bill was in his office, struggling with an account. He asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, less 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."


Bob had taken seriously ill. To make things easier on everyone, his bed was moved to a corner of the living room. One evening Bob turned for the worse so Susan sent for friends and relatives to come over and gather around his bed.
Bob: "Susan, are you here?"
Susan: "Yes Bob, I am right here."
Bob: "Stevie, are you here Stevie?"
Stevie: "Yes Dad, I am right here."
Susan: "Bob, we are all here gathered 'round your bed. Here’s Jenny, and here’s your mother."
Bob: "Well, if you're all here; Why is the light on in the kitchen?!"


A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre.

So the bartender gave her one.

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