This is a place to share and find good jokes. It's also a showcase of information for people and groups interested to book Darrell Mangum as a speaker. This is great Corporate Entertainment, and my presentation is a clean family show!
If we’ve got books and products out there in the world,
available for purchase to anyone who is willing to buy, then we have to be
ready to accept negative reviews.
Opinions are subjective, and everyone has a right to have
And I wouldn’t even be talking about this subject if it
weren’t for the fact that my very first review was negative. And not just
negative, but mean.
In today’s cynical, bullying, dark and mean internet
culture, many of the negative reviews we receive are just a high tech version
of heckling. Lonely, one-hand-typing,
basement dwelling bullies are just waiting for the opportunity to show
the world how superior they are by telling (as they imagine) the world how much
your book or product sucks.
And I’m okay with that. Really. It’s part of the game today.
I expected negative reviews the moment I put my book up for sale. Not everyone
was going to like my book.
But here’s my problem today:
If you’re going to leave a negative review for my book, you
really should read it first.
My book is about humor, and joke telling, and negative
reviews illustrate joke telling principles I teach. If you’re going to leave a
snotty review, I’m going to turn you into a joke.
Again, I don’t want to whine and complain about a negative
review, I just thought that maybe by examining this negative review that
started my book campaign, maybe I could help others understand their own
Let’s take a look.
Here’s my first special review:
“This is a terrible book - it is misleading as you won't
learn much about how to communicate better with humor - just a bunch of random
jokes that aren't even funny.”
First: There are thirteen chapters of joke telling
instruction and how joke telling relates to all other kinds of communication.
If you’re looking for “step 1, step 2, step 3”, you need to look in the “special”
book section. But this part is STILL acceptable. The reviewer didn’t like the
Second: A collection of jokes is random by nature. You were expecting specific jokes?
And finally: If you don’t think the jokes in my book are
funny, then you REALLY need this book, because you don’t GET jokes. These are
the funniest jokes in the world. I’ve collected them for twenty five years. I’m
sorry, but this is not subject to opinion. These jokes come from joke telling
masters. Many are age old classics. If you don’t find these jokes funny, talk
to me! I can help. You can learn to have a sense of humor.
So there you have it. I received a negative review, and then
I hope this will help you better understand the sloping
foreheads that are behind overly negative reviews.
This one raised a few eyebrows, and frankly, those are my favorite jokes:
After a night on the town, a young woman invited her date into the house. "You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are in bed and if they find out you’re here, they'll kill us." The couple started kissing on the sofa, but after a while the young man said, "I have to go to the bathroom!" “You can’t use the bathroom, it’s right by my parent’s room. They’ll hear you!” “But I really have to go!” “Well,” she replied. "Just, use the kitchen sink." So he tip toed to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use the dish towel?"
Mean people tell terrible jokes. They want to hurt people. They
want to embarrass people.
When a nice person tells a joke, the audience knows that the
joke teller wants them to laugh. The joke teller wants the audience to be
happy, and they can tell! So be gregarious! Be happy and friendly. Your audience will
respond better to your jokes. If they feel that you are hostile, they will be
defensive. Yes, there are hostile comics. There are insult comics. But
humor like that is a specialty, and is better to be left to the professionals. Never forget: Jokes are about laughing and happiness. Be
happy and friendly. You want your audience to laugh and be happy. They’ll
understand, and they’ll like your joke more.
Teacher says to Ronaldo: Ronaldo, what do you have if you reach in your left pant's pocket and find three dollars, and you reach in your right pant's pocket and find seven dollars? Ronaldo: I have someone else's pants on.
A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in
"What are the three most important things you should
bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several
hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches,
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.
"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with
you?" asked the Scout Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a
deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to
find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the
Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire,
someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top
of that black ten!"
A wealthy man put his son through college, even though the
kid was kind of stupid.
One day the kid came home and said, "They gave me a
"A fud? What's a fud?" asked the exasperated
"How should I know?" answered the kids
"But that's what it says on the paper. PhD. fud"
"There are advantages and disadvantages about this
property," said the honest real estate agent. "To the north is the
gas works, to the east a glue factory, to the south a fish and chip shop, and
to the west a sewage plant. Those are the disadvantages."
"What are the advantages?" asked the prospective
The agent replied, "You can always tell which way the
wind is blowing."
His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were
questioning the old gentleman.
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.
"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," he answered.
Husband to wife "would you still love me if I were
Wife to husband, "Yes, I would and I would miss you too!"
A man in a bar finds himself attracted to a woman sitting at
the bar. He is very shy but would really like to talk to her.
His friend says to him, "It’s easy. Just go over and say your favorite
pick up line."
The shy man decided to try it and goes over to the woman and says, "Ford,
I'm not harping on Mormons, and I'm not trying to offend. I do admit that I'm pushing the envelope. But that's what humor is all about. I am 100 percent against offending with jokes, but I'll still step on a toe now and then. But remember I love you all!
A Catholic priest, a Lutheran minister and an Evangelical
preacher are arguing about religion one day when the phone rings.
The priest gets up to answer it. After listening for few
moments, he says, “Yes, I will pass on the news,” and hangs up.
Turning to the others, he says, “I have good news and bad
"Really? Do tell,” the minister says.
"My friends,” the priest announces, "that was the
Lord Jesus on the phone, and he was calling to say he’s back."
"Glory be!” shouts the preacher. “What could possibly
be bad news now?”
"Well,” the priest says, “He was calling from Salt Lake
Two ladies were visiting over lunch.
One said to the other: “How do you keep your husband from
staying out late?”
“Well,” said the second lady, “The last time my husband
stayed out late, I called to him when he got home. I called, ‘Is that you,
A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said,
"A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits."
He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...”
A man calls the front desk from room 1248 in a hotel. He asks
to be transferred to maintenance.
“What’s the problem there?” asks the clerk.
“My wife has gone berserk and is threatening to jump out the window.”
The clerk tells him that this is a police matter, not a maintenance issue.
“Well, she can’t get the window open, and that’s a maintenance problem.”
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to
remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best
My dad went into a men's store to buy a suit. He asked the salesman to show him something cheap. The salesman told him to look in the mirror.
On her son's seventeenth birthday, a mother pleadingly asked, "Son, Promise me you won't smoke! Please don't let me find out you've been smoking from idle gossip in the neighborhood." "Don't worry about me," replied her son. "I quit smoking a year ago."
Is the supreme court really just a regular court, but with sour cream and tomatoes?
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer,
"This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!" The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
Okay, enjoy a joke!
But don't forget to visit my Kindle page.
The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained to the man that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it's food. "What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck's nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it'll drown." The man goes about his business and about a week later the Doctor runs into his patient. "Well, how is that duck of yours?" the Doctor inquires. "He's dead." declared the heartbroken man. "I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned didn't he?" insisted the Doctor.
A recently divorced woman moved back to her home town hoping
to start over again. While making a dentist appointment she was surprised to
see she recognized the dentist’s name as a good looking boy from her high
school almost 25 years earlier. However, upon walking into the dentist’s
office, she quickly realized he must be someone else. He was bald, had a big
beer belly, and looked a lot older. Just to be sure though, on her way out she
asked him if he went to the high school that she had attended.
“Yeah”, he responded, “I graduated in 91.”
“Oh my gosh”, the woman excitedly said “you were in my class.”
“Really”, he said that’s interesting, “what class did you teach?”
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a
friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be
a good wife?"
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but
when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution,
just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the
perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl.
She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club
Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game
“Great! I actually had 25 riders.” The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing
what a "Rider" was.
The second lady quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as
well with 16 riders.
The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10
The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that
she only had 2 riders all day long.
The Pro was completely confused about what the term "rider" meant.
But, he didn't want to look dumb so he wished the ladies well and then left.
Passing the proshop he asked the kid at the desk, "Hey, can you tell me
what these ladies are talking about when they refer to
The kid didn’t even look up and said..."A 'Rider" is when you hit a
shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.