Dealing with negative reviews

If we’ve got books and products out there in the world, available for purchase to anyone who is willing to buy, then we have to be ready to accept negative reviews.

Opinions are subjective, and everyone has a right to have one.

And I wouldn’t even be talking about this subject if it weren’t for the fact that my very first review was negative. And not just negative, but mean.

In today’s cynical, bullying, dark and mean internet culture, many of the negative reviews we receive are just a high tech version of heckling. Lonely, one-hand-typing,  basement dwelling bullies are just waiting for the opportunity to show the world how superior they are by telling (as they imagine) the world how much your book or product sucks.

And I’m okay with that. Really. It’s part of the game today. I expected negative reviews the moment I put my book up for sale. Not everyone was going to like my book.

But here’s my problem today:

If you’re going to leave a negative review for my book, you really should read it first.

My book is about humor, and joke telling, and negative reviews illustrate joke telling principles I teach. If you’re going to leave a snotty review, I’m going to turn you into a joke.

Again, I don’t want to whine and complain about a negative review, I just thought that maybe by examining this negative review that started my book campaign, maybe I could help others understand their own negative reviews.

Let’s take a look.

Here’s my first special review:

“This is a terrible book - it is misleading as you won't learn much about how to communicate better with humor - just a bunch of random jokes that aren't even funny.”

First: There are thirteen chapters of joke telling instruction and how joke telling relates to all other kinds of communication. If you’re looking for “step 1, step 2, step 3”, you need to look in the “special” book section. But this part is STILL acceptable. The reviewer didn’t like the instruction. Okay.

Second: A collection of jokes is random by nature.  You were expecting specific jokes?

And finally: If you don’t think the jokes in my book are funny, then you REALLY need this book, because you don’t GET jokes. These are the funniest jokes in the world. I’ve collected them for twenty five years. I’m sorry, but this is not subject to opinion. These jokes come from joke telling masters. Many are age old classics. If you don’t find these jokes funny, talk to me! I can help. You can learn to have a sense of humor.

So there you have it. I received a negative review, and then I ranted.

I hope this will help you better understand the sloping foreheads that are behind overly negative reviews.

Here's the link to my book so you can see for yourself:
You Must Be Joking!

And here's our facebook page:
Click here for our facebook page

Time for a new joke!

This one raised a few eyebrows, and frankly, those are my favorite jokes:

After a night on the town, a young woman invited her date into the house.
"You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are in bed and if they find out you’re here, they'll kill us."
The couple started kissing on the sofa, but after a while the young man said, "I have to go to the bathroom!"
“You can’t use the bathroom, it’s right by my parent’s room. They’ll hear you!”
“But I really have to go!”
“Well,” she replied. "Just, use the kitchen sink."
So he tip toed to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked,
"Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use the dish towel?"

A few little jokes for December

A man walks in to a grocery store and asks, "Do you have helicopter flavored chips?"

"Nope," says the clerk. "Just plane ones."

----------------------

Astronomy is looking up.

-----------------------------

If having a dog has taught me anything, it's how to eat a cookie very quietly.

Lots of news today!

First:
You Must Be Joking, is now available in paperback through CreateSpace. The paperback option is available through the Kindle site as well.

You Must Be Joking, Kindle link here.

You Must Be Joking, CreateSpace link here.

So, please check those links!

Second:

My mid-December book give-a-way is here!
How do you win?
JUST ASK FOR A BOOK!

I'll give two away today!

Be nice.

Mean people tell terrible jokes. They want to hurt people. They want to embarrass people.

When a nice person tells a joke, the audience knows that the joke teller wants them to laugh. The joke teller wants the audience to be happy, and they can tell!
So be gregarious! Be happy and friendly. Your audience will respond better to your jokes. If they feel that you are hostile, they will be defensive.
Yes, there are hostile comics. There are insult comics. But humor like that is a specialty, and is better to be left to the professionals.
Never forget: Jokes are about laughing and happiness. Be happy and friendly. You want your audience to laugh and be happy. They’ll understand, and they’ll like your joke more.

here's a little joke:

Thomas Edison said that genius is one percent inspiration, and ninety nine percent perspiration.
I hate to think of someone that sweaty working with electricity.

This is an oldie, but it's one of the classics:

Teacher says to Ronaldo:
Ronaldo, what do you have if you reach in your left pant's pocket and find three dollars, and you reach in your right pant's pocket and find seven dollars?
Ronaldo: I have someone else's pants on.

Big sale pricing on my book through amazon!

Give us a visit, and get a great new price during the February Kindle countdown promotion on:

You Must Be Joking! just click here.

If you're ever lost in the desert:

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.

"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.

Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master.

Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."

"Why's that Timmy?"

"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."

"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.

"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"

Three good jokes for Thanksgiving!

A man walked up to me and said, "Stick'em down!"

"Don't you mean stick'em up?"

"No wonder I haven't been making any money!"

A wealthy man put his son through college, even though the kid was kind of stupid.

One day the kid came home and said, "They gave me a fud."

"A fud? What's a fud?" asked the exasperated father.

"How should I know?" answered the kids defensively.

"But that's what it says on the paper. PhD. fud"

"There are advantages and disadvantages about this property," said the honest real estate agent. "To the north is the gas works, to the east a glue factory, to the south a fish and chip shop, and to the west a sewage plant. Those are the disadvantages."

"What are the advantages?" asked the prospective buyer.

The agent replied, "You can always tell which way the wind is blowing."

Prepare at least two jokes.

You’ll do better if you have two or more jokes to tell.

Why?

People get defensive when they hear one joke. They’re likely to resist laughing. They’ll tell you your joke is bad, or silly, or stupid.

But now they’re primed.

The second joke will always make them chuckle.

If you can tell a third and a fourth joke, you’ll own your audience. You’ll have them gasping for breath. They’ll be laughing so hard that they will hardly be able to hold themselves up.

Is this because your jokes are so funny?

No, it’s not that.

People like to laugh. They want to laugh.

They just need you to flirt with them. They want to be tickled a little bit first.

So, no, people don’t laugh at your jokes because they’re so amazingly funny. And they don’t laugh because you’re such an amazing performer. 

But it doesn’t hurt if you have some good jokes to tell, and some proper instruction for correct joke telling.

There is skill in this. You need to know your jokes, and you need to know how to tickle your audience, and you need to know how to effectively deliver your jokes.

So, back to what we said first. Have at least two jokes ready when you find your audience.

You’ll knock’em dead!

Three great jokes!

1.

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning the old gentleman.
"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.
"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," he answered.

2.

Husband to wife "would you still love me if I were broke?"
Wife to husband, "Yes, I would and I would miss you too!"

3.

A man in a bar finds himself attracted to a woman sitting at the bar. He is very shy but would really like to talk to her.
His friend says to him, "It’s easy. Just go over and say your favorite pick up line."
The shy man decided to try it and goes over to the woman and says, "Ford, F series."

 

 

Promotional pricing on my book

Checking it out: I've lowered the price on my book for November. Stay tuned, there will be more promotions coming up.

Click here to visit my amazon page

Okay, one more joke about Mormons!

I'm not harping on Mormons, and I'm not trying to offend. I do admit that I'm pushing the envelope. But that's what humor is all about. I am 100 percent against offending with jokes, but I'll still step on a toe now and then. But remember I love you all!

A Catholic priest, a Lutheran minister and an Evangelical preacher are arguing about religion one day when the phone rings.

The priest gets up to answer it. After listening for few moments, he says, “Yes, I will pass on the news,” and hangs up.

Turning to the others, he says, “I have good news and bad news.”

"Really? Do tell,” the minister says.

"My friends,” the priest announces, "that was the Lord Jesus on the phone, and he was calling to say he’s back."

"Glory be!” shouts the preacher. “What could possibly be bad news now?”

"Well,” the priest says, “He was calling from Salt Lake City.”

Two ladies were visiting over lunch.

One said to the other: “How do you keep your husband from staying out late?”

“Well,” said the second lady, “The last time my husband stayed out late, I called to him when he got home. I called, ‘Is that you, Jack?”

“How did that help?”

“My husband’s name is Robert.”

Mormons! (don't be offended)

A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits."
He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...”

A man calls the front desk from room 1248 in a hotel. He asks to be transferred to maintenance.
“What’s the problem there?” asks the clerk.
“My wife has gone berserk and is threatening to jump out the window.”
The clerk tells him that this is a police matter, not a maintenance issue.
“Well, she can’t get the window open, and that’s a maintenance problem.”

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

Don't forget about my book!

Here's the link to my Kindle page.

Take a look, buy a book! (that's a good slogan)

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0175OJZFY

Click right here to go to my Kindle page.

The wonderful cover of my book, designed by Tyson Cole

Hello everybody!

I wanted to share some information about Tyson Cole, the talented artist who designed my book cover.

Here's the cover:

Tyson recently had a son. Baby and mother are doing great!
Funny thing: Tyson is a successful comic artist, and he did a related comic a few years ago:

In a wonderful twist of fate, Tyson's new son looks JUST LIKE HIM!

Congratulations to the whole family! And thank you Tyson, for a wonderful cover for my book.

Joke for November

My dad went into a men's store to buy a suit. He asked the salesman to show him something cheap.
The salesman told him to look in the mirror.

On her son's seventeenth birthday, a mother pleadingly asked,
"Son, Promise me you won't smoke! Please don't let me find out you've been smoking from idle gossip in the neighborhood."
"Don't worry about me," replied her son. "I quit smoking a year ago."

Is the supreme court really just a regular court, but with sour cream and tomatoes?

let's take a break now for a joke!

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer,
"This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

Update on November's book givaway

I'm giving away five copies of "You Must Be  Joking" in November.
How can you get a copy?
Just ask.

Win my book contest!

Quick!
Tell me a joke!

The first one who does, wins a kindle copy of my new book,

You Must Be Joking!

Click here to check it out

Just visit my blog and leave your joke in the comments section, and the first joke wins!

Listen in when I'm interviewed by Lynda Brown!

I'm excited to have the opportunity to be interviewed by Lynda Brown on The Author Chat Show!

Please tune in be apart of the show!

Also, keep an eye out for give-aways that I will be doing really soon!

click below for a link to the show!

Author Chat with Lynda D Brown

And don't forget to visit my Kindle page!

Okay, enjoy a joke!
But don't forget to visit my Kindle page.

The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."


You Must Be Joking!

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat.
The Doctor explained to the man that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it's food.
"What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because the duck's nostrils are located in the upper bill and if you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water it'll drown."
The man goes about his business and about a week later the Doctor runs into his patient.
"Well, how is that duck of yours?" the Doctor inquires.
"He's dead." declared the heartbroken man.
"I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took a drink of water and drowned didn't he?" insisted the Doctor.

You Must Be Joking! The book is now available on Kindle!

Oh happy day!

I hope all you jokers will check it out.
Now what do you do?
Visit us often, and share your jokes, and share your comments and your observations.
And visit our facebook page:

You Must Be Joking  Our facebook page:

Remember: I love go visit groups of all kinds and give my presentation on joke telling, and how it relates to communication.
It's lots of fun, and everybody participates.

Now, get ready for some really good jokes. There's so much to discover about humor.

And visit our Kindle site, where you can BUY MY BOOK!!

Buy "You Must Be Joking" here:

Something big is coming! Until then, let's hear it for the senior crowd!

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.

When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.

"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.

"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"

 

 

couple of one liners

The only time incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.

I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

Here's a joke for October!

A recently divorced woman moved back to her home town hoping to start over again. While making a dentist appointment she was surprised to see she recognized the dentist’s name as a good looking boy from her high school almost 25 years earlier. However, upon walking into the dentist’s office, she quickly realized he must be someone else. He was bald, had a big beer belly, and looked a lot older. Just to be sure though, on her way out she asked him if he went to the high school that she had attended.
“Yeah”, he responded, “I graduated in 91.”
“Oh my gosh”, the woman excitedly said “you were in my class.”
“Really”, he said that’s interesting, “what class did you teach?”

Here's some more:

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

Quick one liners:

I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick. She's still not talking to me.

I broke up with my cross eyed girlfriend. ...
I thought she was seeing someone else.

Capitalization can really change a sentence. For example:
I love to eat candy.
I love to eat capitalization.

I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

Jokes for February

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting.
Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go?
“Great! I actually had 25 riders.”
 The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was.
The second lady quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders.
The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders.
The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long.
The Pro was completely confused about what the term "rider" meant. But, he didn't want to look dumb so he wished the ladies well and then left.
Passing the proshop he asked the kid at the desk, "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to "Riders"?"
The kid didn’t even look up and said..."A 'Rider" is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.